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egg 🫴🥚
the eggplant 🤌🍆
you egg now;
How to Make Eggs from Eggplants: A Highly Scientific Tutorial
Welcome, fellow culinary innovators! Today, we embark on a truly groundbreaking journey: making eggs from eggplants. That’s right. Forget everything you thought you knew about breakfast. Why settle for chicken eggs when you could be eating vegetable-based eggs that will make all your friends question reality? Grab your apron (or just your nearest eggplant) and let’s get started.
Step 1: Choose Your Eggplant Wisely
The first rule of eggplant egg-making is selection. Don’t just grab any old eggplant from the grocery store. You’re not just looking for an eggplant; you need an eggplant with potential. You want a firm, plump eggplant that screams “I could become an egg.” Go for the deep purple variety for that authentic egg vibe. A lighter, greenish one might be too... avant-garde.
Pro Tip: Whisper sweetly to your eggplant as you pick it out, just to make sure it feels special. Eggplants have feelings, too.
Step 2: The Illusion of the Eggshell
Eggs have shells. Eggplants don’t. But with a bit of creativity (and a lot of food coloring), you can trick anyone into thinking your eggplant is the genuine article.
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Peel your eggplant carefully—like you're removing a fragile eggshell. This is an important psychological step. You’ll want to do it slowly for dramatic effect.
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Paint it. That's right. Break out the non-toxic, food-grade paint and color the eggplant’s outer surface. You can go classic white or maybe opt for a quirky pastel—think Easter eggs, but make it eggplant.
Warning: Do not eat paint. This tutorial assumes you’re a savvy adult with a deep respect for edible paint.
Step 3: The Eggy Transformation
Now that we’ve got our "eggshell" (not really, but close enough), we need to fill it with the all-important egg filling.
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Cut your eggplant in half lengthwise. Gently scrape out the innards, keeping the outer shell intact, much like how you would scoop out a real egg white.
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Make a 'scrambled egg' filling. Grab a spoonful of mashed potatoes or tofu (anything with a soft texture and the ability to mimic egg whites) and mix it with turmeric. Why turmeric? It’s the magic yellow powder that makes everything look like eggs. Also, it’s health food, so you’re technically making a nutritious breakfast.
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Season generously with salt, pepper, and any other "egg-like" seasonings you can think of. Dill? Sure. A dash of cumin? Why not. A sprinkle of sarcasm? Absolutely.
Step 4: Assembly
We’ve got our shell and filling. Now it’s time to put them together.
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Spoon the “scrambled egg” filling into the hollowed-out eggplant halves. The goal here is to create something that looks vaguely like an overstuffed egg. Don’t worry about perfection; in fact, the more imperfect, the more "artisan" it looks.
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If you're feeling particularly avant-garde, you can top it with a garnish of your choice, like a sprig of parsley or some sriracha. Just make sure it looks like it was crafted by a celebrity chef on a reality TV show. Presentation is everything.
Step 5: Cooking Time (or is it?)
Here’s where things get tricky. Eggs are traditionally cooked; eggplants are traditionally... cooked. But can we cook an eggplant egg the same way? Let’s try and see.
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Heat a pan on medium-low heat. You don’t want to burn your masterpiece.
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Place the eggplant “eggs” in the pan. Let them cook for about 4-6 minutes. At this point, feel free to look very serious while you flip them over. It’s an important step in the process of convincing yourself this is an acceptable breakfast.
Step 6: Serve with Confidence
When your eggplant eggs are cooked to perfection, plate them carefully on your finest china. Perhaps on a napkin you’ve designed yourself, with “I am a modern culinary artist” embroidered on it.
Take a deep breath. You’ve just created eggplant eggs—a meal so bold, so avant-garde, that it makes regular eggs look like basic brunch fare.
Pro Tip: Serve them with a side of confused looks and the satisfaction of knowing you’ve just redefined breakfast for all of humanity.
Step 7: The Final Touch: A Deep, Reflective Pause
As you take your first bite, remember to pause for a moment. Is it the egg you always dreamed of? No. But it’s close. It’s a metaphor for life itself—unexpected, unclassifiable, and just a little bit weird.
Congratulations! You Have Successfully Made Eggs from Eggplants.
Remember, there’s no going back now. You’ve transcended traditional cooking. Welcome to the future, where anything is possible, especially if you have an eggplant.